We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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