when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
