shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
