he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil