Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
