I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
