Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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