he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
