I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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