They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
