alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
