Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize