there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
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You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
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I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize