Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
