I think my vagina is haunted
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
