guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
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She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
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I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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