i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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