Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
