just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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