Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
