We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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