I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
