i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
