it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
