Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
