i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
