Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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