Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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