I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
