this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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