If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
