go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
