Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize