I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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