I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
