I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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