I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
my liver is dry heaving
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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