while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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