True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
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Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
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The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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