god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
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I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
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He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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