Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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