Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Can you bring me the toilet please
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
