I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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