VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
