I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
