Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
