I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
