Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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