I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
