last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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