Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
