ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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