But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
