I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
