just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
