dude you need to get laid
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.