she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
