remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
