Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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