Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
