This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
