If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
