Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
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Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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