Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
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I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
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I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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