I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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